Critique: Stardust (Film)

Stormhold is a magical realm separated from England by the Wall.

Dunstan goes to Stormhold and has relations with a woman who claims she’s a kidnapped princess. Nine months later, baby Tristan’s delivered on Dunstan’s doorstep. Fast forward to Tristan being older.

Stormhold’s king says the first of his male descendants to get the necklace becomes king, lamented that Princess Una is missing. The necklace knocks a star out of the sky. Meanwhile, Tristan wants the fallen star for his love interest Victoria, whilst the witches led by Lamia want the star to lengthen their lives.

 

*****SPOILERS*****

 

Good

 

There were a lot of clever details.

Prince Septimus gets Soothsayer to answer easy yes/no questions. Then he asks if the soothsayer works for his brothers and, because Prince Septimus has already seen what the runes look like for yes and no, the soothsayer couldn’t lie. This was really clever.

Lamia transforms a goat into a man called Billy. The actor acts just like a goat, putting on a funny and well-done performance. The fact that billy also had a scruffy goatee was a good detail.

Lamia, to get the attention of Bernard and Billy, goes, “Ah-ah!” This noise has two meanings: one, it’s a goat noise; two, it’s like a parent telling kids off for being distracted.

When a prince bleeds, he has blue blood. As ‘blue blood’ is a term for those born as princes and princesses, this was a clever detail.

When Lamia drops her poppet of Septimus into the water, he starts to drown, arms and legs moving as if treading water, and he floats up in the air like the poppet floats up in the water. So clever.

Captain Shakespear chose that name because it’s his cultural icon whilst his pirates think it’s a spear being shook.

 

Captain Shakespear wears a dress and feather boa as he dances around.

Once the captain’s cover is blown but one of his crew said, “We always knew you were a whoopsie.” That’s the most whimsical derogatory name for a camp guy I’ve ever heard.

‘Whoopsie’ implies something wrong, so calling the captain a whoopsie is calling the captain wrong. Yet despite a pirate declaring the captain’s existence as wrong, ‘whoopsie’ sounds fun and friendly.

 

The actors themselves did excellent jobs.

Dish Water Sal catches Tristain. Yvaine tries to touch the witch but she can’t, owing to the fact Lamia curses Sal to not be able to see or touch the star. As she struggles, Yvaine’s arms are straight down and her torso is leaning at an odd angle, creating a brilliant visual effect.

When Septimus’ corpse was fighting, the positions and movements of his body, particularly his head, made him look dead. This was a good feat of the actor.

The pirate fighting with two swords was spectacular. There aren’t many physical altercations in the film so it’s a surprise (albeit nice) to see any thought-through fight choreography.

 

There were plenty of good visuals.

At the bizarre, there were many bizarre things, including a miniature elephant with a head at both ends.

The actor they got for Tristain looks just like his dad’s younger self. Great casting choice.

With the camera above, Prince Septimus throws runes into the air. The whole shot is taken up by the runes. Then once the runes start to come down, it shows Lamia catching them in her hand. Lovely transition.

 

Tristan, being Princess Una’s son and hence the last living male heir, gets the necklace and becomes king.

Tristan and Yvaine rule for 80 years, “for no man can live for eighty years, unless they possess the heart of a star, and Evaine had given hers to Tristan completely… they still live happily ever after.”

All throughout the film, the witches try to possess the heart of the star, but Tristan ends up doing it instead yet in a completely different way. Also, the ‘still live’ rather than ‘lived’ happily ever after was a beautiful touch.

 

 

 

Funny

 

The princes provide much entertainment.

The king asked one prince to look out the window, then he nods at another son who pushes the first off the balcony. Then another prince goes over to push the pusher!

The bishop and the three remaining princes drinks with all but one prince dying from poison. But then Prince Septimus gets up, having just pretended to die for fun.

When Septimus’ ghost joins those of his brothers, one says, “Now we have to live with each other.” ‘Live’ is a funny choice when referring to ghosts!

Stormhold’s princes slowly kill each other off; the ghosts follow the living around. They look exactly like they did at the moment of their death: axe in head; head squashed by landing on it; naked with a slit throat. The concept is fun, but the smushed face had me laughing.

 

The witches were my favourite source of amusement. Lamia asking, “Is your mind as decrepit as you face?” was fantastic.

The witch Lamia eats the last remnants of the star she has so that she’s young enough to go after the new one. Every time Lamia does some magic, she ages a little bit. When Lamia did a spell to fix the aging on her face, her breasts went saggy instead!

Young Bernard, after being transformed into a girl, keeps on getting distracted by his new boobs.

 

Tristan always ends up in funny situations.

Despite seeing that the fallen star looks and acts just like a human, he still ensnares it with enchanted chain to drag back to Victoria. If this complete disregard for life and sapient freedom wasn’t funny enough, the star declares, “Nothing says romance than a kidnapped, injured woman.”

Tristan asks the barmaid her name and she replies, “Bernard” in a really low voice. Even though the audience knows Bernard is a guy, seeing Tristan’s shock is very entertaining.

To cross the gap in the Wall, Tristan tries the same distracting techniques as his father. Wall Guard was having none of it and, despite being ancient, does crazy acrobatics to block the way. The unexpectedness made it funny.

 

Tristan and Yvaine’s trip aboard the pirate ship was full of laughs.

            Captain Shakespear has a limp wrist, gives them make-overs, and says things like, “Have you ever tried washing blood out of a silk shirt? Nightmare.” For a cut-throat pirate to be camp is presented as a funny dichotomy. The humour comes from the shock/surprise, rather than the camp things themselves being funny.

When Captain Shakespear cuts Tristan’s hair, it somehow ends up longer. As it was clearly not a continuity area, its unexpectedness gave me a laugh.

Captain Shakespear tells Tristan, “Don’t wear the wench out!” It’s an awful thing to say but still delightfully funny.

 

 

Bad

 

Some things just didn’t make any sense.

At the end of the prologue part, the narrator says, ‘The man returned home, hoping to forget his adventure.’ Um, why? Dustan seemed to enjoy the experience and had sex, so it’s not like it was a bad day at the office.

The stars tell Tristan the Yvaine is walking into a trap. Why didn’t the stars just tell Yvaine? Yes, Tristain first hears the stars in his dreams, but they carry on talking to him whilst wide awake. Surely if the stars can talk to a wakeful human then they could just as easily talk to a wakeful star?

When Septimus dies, he drops. The poppet no doubt still floats. This only makes sense if the connection to Septimus and the poppet ended. Yet if this were the case, Lamia wouldn’t be able to control Septimus’ corpse for a swordfight.

 

Some things were outright failures.

Gervais’ improv is absolutely awful. It didn’t fit the character’s personality but rather the actor’s personality. It wasn’t even funny, so why was it included? All other humour in the film felt easy and natural, so why they included a forced, strained bit of failed humour I don’t know.

The first time Lamia ages after doing magic, her hand becomes wrinkly and liver-spotted. Yet when the camera zooms out to her entire body, Lamia’s hand looks completely normal! Maybe the film creators thought it was such a tiny detail that maintaining continuity was a waste of time and/or money. Or maybe they just forgot.

The prates collect lightning. Considering we only ever see candles and torches (made of fire), it does make me wonder what the lightning is used for. Yes, Tristan uses it as a weapon, but surely this can’t be the only use, otherwise the royals would be using it. As this was never explored, it is a clear failing.

The stout witch runs and jumps down several stories, so we’d expect her to be menacing.  So when she’s killed by animals, it’s an anticlimax and goes against expectations. Going against expectations is a source of humour for this film often, yet in this case it didn’t deliver. The witch could have fought back and she had plenty of time to run away, so for her to do neither ruins the whole scenario.

 

 

Queries

 

The Wall has a gap with a guard. It’s very short and long, so why not jump over it out of Wall Guard’s sight? Perhaps magic prevents this. (Tristain used the Babylon candle in England, not Stormhold, so we know magic can work in England.)

 

Tristan says that Wall is to the north, so they should go north. But he’s north of the Wall, so surely the Wall would be to the south of him? Or maybe it was to the south when he was in the village Wall and hence he’s now saying its north because he’s accounted for that change in direction?

 

In order for Yvaine to shine brighter (and hence give Lamia a longer life), the witch lets her go ‘free’. However, such progress should’ve been lost when Lamia explains everything to Yvaine and Tristan because there was plenty of time for Yvaine to get scared again, and hence dim her shine. Perhaps a scared fixed heart will always be brighter than a scared broken heart?

 

 

Stardust is a film that always makes me laugh. All the problems and queries I’ve had about this film only cropped up during this viewing: the film’s so good that the defects aren’t out in the open. (Apart from the improv debacle.) It’s full of fun and is pleasantly bonkers at times. It’s also clear that the actors enjoyed themselves which, as a viewer, makes the experience far more satisfying.

 

Respect

Respect is appreciation for something someone has done. So having to treat everyone with respect is odd. Yes, treat everyone kindly, politely and warmly. But how, if you don’t know that they’ve done anything respectful, can you treat them with respect?

 

For respect to be respectful, it has to be given freely and voluntary. If it’s coerced with guilt or shame, or is non-genuine in any other manner, it isn’t respect. In fact, that would be rude and disrespectful. So forcing someone for feign respect is in fact producing the exact opposite and is thus illogical.

Critique: Damsel (Film)

Princess Elodie lives in a poor, cold northern land. Her father King Bayford agrees to her marrying Prince Henry of Aurea for a hefty sum of gold. Aurea is a paradise led by Queen Isabelle.

 

*****SPOILERS*****

 

Story

 

Whilst these aren’t noteworthy in themselves, they are necessary for understanding my critique points.

Queen Isabelle crosses a bridge into a mountain bridge with the newlyweds. They do a ritual that ceremonially gave Elodie the blood of the Aurean royalty. They cross back over the bridge, Prince Henry carrying Elodie, and I thought it would be funny if Henry through Elodie down the chasm. Then he does!

Elodie leaves her glowworm lantern in the crystal cave before she escapes the mountain. Elodie goes back on discovering Queen Isabelle took Floria as a replacement. So Elodie goes back through the journey to get the main cave in a montage sequence.

Elodie reveals to the Dragon that the Aurean royal family haven’t been sending their birth princesses as promised. So just like the Aurean ancestor king killed innocent dragon daughters, the Dragon has been killing innocent human daughters. (Many people in all societies have attributed (and still do) the crimes of a family member onto the whole lineage so this image of justice is believable.)

 

 

Good Points

 

There was much I liked.

            One thing in particular strikes me as great. Elodie rips some see-through gauze from her ruined dress and stuff glowworms inside to make a lantern. So clever.

The Dragon’s tail was long and flexible, allowing it to be used in original ways.

Aurea needs to sacrifice a princess every generation to the Dragon. They target poorer nations, exchanging gold for their daughter’s life. Realistic predatory behaviour.

A stream of fire comes out of tunnel, revealing it to actually be birds on fire. This was clever, playing with the audience’s expectations (there’s a dragon in the caves and there’s fire in the caves so any fire must be direct from the dragon’s throat).

The Dragon’s fire moves more like gushing lava rather than actual fire. This was a nice detail, plus it allows for the splash-back scene later.

Elodie teaming up with the Dragon to destroy Aurean royalty and then they went together back to Elodie’s home was a brilliant twist. Considering the Dragon tormented Elodie, could have eaten Floria and did kill Elodie’s father, Elodie putting that all aside was brave. It definitely fit with her character. The revenge on the Aurean royalty not so much, but it fits with the Dragon’s sense of justice.

 

 

Bad Points

 

Queen Isabelle of Aurea looks down at Elodie’s stepmother because she wasn’t born royal. Isabelle says we are what we are and shouldn’t rise above their station.

Yet Aurea does a ritual specifically to make non-Aurean princesses appear to be born of the Aurean line. A ritual they agree to do that makes someone something other than what they were born as.

It was a glaring contradiction that was entirely avoidable. (The queen could have dismissed the stepmother for multiple other reasons.”

 

After Elodie gets hit by the Dragon’s fire, she makes the conscious decision to be quiet.

The Dragon calls her clever for being quiet because it meant the Dragon didn’t know where she was. After this, Elodie started screaming at every little thing. Being frightened at a fall and binding her burn, fine, you can’t help but scream at those things. But Elodie screamed in frustration when stuck, screamed as she pulled herself along a tunnel, screamed whilst climbing a slippery slope…

It undoes the conscious decision she made to be inconspicuous. Why would the writers/director make the decision that Elodie is smart enough to be quiet if they were going to ruin it with her being not quiet?

 

When Elodie goes back to save Floria, there’s a montage of her retracing her journey to the main cave.

            Elodie makes another glowworm-gauze lantern. The thing is, all the gauzy material on her dress was ripped away ages ago. Without the material, how did she make the lantern. Maybe she found some in the tunnels/caves leading to the glowworms. This would have taken less than three seconds to show in the montage. As they didn’t, the second glowworm-gauze lantern is impossible.

            The first time around, Elodie could only get through the caves/passages (before the glowworms) with the pendant lantern. It was latticed so, when she burned material inside it, fore shone through. We didn’t see her relight it. We’ve seen how quickly the Dragon’s fire burns out so we know there isn’t any still burning. With all the twists and turns, and the fact she’d only been through those passages once before, there’s no way should could have made that journey blind.

 

There are two smaller points, though that doesn’t diminish their negativity.

When Elodie looks back up at the bridge, the circumference is surrounded by equal amounts and intensity of sunlight. However, the bridge is at the entrance of the cave, so one half (not being shaded) would have been brighter than the other. Yes, there were hundreds of candles in the cave entrance, but candles will always be dim and flickering compared to strong, stable sunlight.

Elodie made the Dragon’s fire splash back on her and that put the healthy dragon out for the count. Yet the already-injured Elodie, a human, could run on a burnt leg with a burnt body? Surely dragons would have more resistance to dragon fire than a human, especially when the human’s injured and the Dragon is not? So the Dragon being badly hurt by its own fire wasn’t feasible.

 

 

Issues with Visual Perspective

 

Visual perspective, proportionality, distance… it was a nightmare.

When the Dragon used its tail to battle the knights, it was very long and very thin. But in the sky earlier, it looked the exact same thickness as it did on the ground, even though things further away should look smaller. Also, the tail was shorter in relation to body size in the air than it was on the ground (proportional relationships don’t change just because of distance).

Landing in the chasm, Elodie looks back up at the bridge. The distance she fell didn’t match how far away the bridge looked. Yes, when someone falls it does seem to go on longer than it actually does. However, matching how much Elodie screamed during the fall objectively doesn’t match the distance to the bridge.

When Elodie climbs the crystal cave leading to sunlight, she falls and almost lands in the Dragon’s mouth. But there’s no way the Dragon could fit in those tunnels.

 

 

Poor Speechwriting

 

The scriptwriters did a poor job.

They used all the appropriate upper-class words and phrases. Yet they felt clunky and clumsy; were no doubt they were awkward to say. Most of the actors had movements and postures that indicated skill, and what are the chances that all the characters could physically act but not vocally act? Not impossible, but definitely near that point.

Queen Isabelle says, “The ritual is complete.” No one would ever declare it! If they were explaining the ritual, they would say when it started or finished, but not during the ritual itself.

When the ancestor king ordered the Dragon babies killed, he ordered his men with, “Kill the vile children.” That’s not a natural turn of phrase. Maybe ‘Kill the vile monster’s children’ or ‘Kill the vile monsters’, but ‘vile children’?

 

 

 

This film had plenty of clever stuff, particularly the glowworm-gauze lanterns. But there were so many issues that they couldn’t help but be noticed. However, it was still as easy film, perfect for sleepy afternoons or sick days. (Or just anyone with general brain fog.) The actors that played Elodie and her stepmother were both very talented, as was the voice acting for the Dragon. So the people involved definitely have much of which they can be proud.

 

Why asking a trans person their dead name is unkind

When someone changes their name, it’s often considered polite to ask why. A name change is an important part of someone’s life so it’s important to show interest. It also acts to legitimise the new name, in normal circumstances.

 

A trans person changing their name is not normal circumstances. Trans people spend their lives persuading people that their feelings are genuine. Meanwhile, others identify trans people by the body they’re born with rather than the trans person’s mind: the very thing that is a person’s personality and identity. The thing that makes someone who they are. A trans person works hard to change this perception despite societal rejection.

 

So, asking a trans person what their name was can be both a challenge and a dismissal. It’s like saying, “Sure, but tell me your real name.”

 

Of course, some people are just curious. Some people think asking a trans person their old name is good: it opens a discussion about the trans person and their journey, showing care, acceptance and openness about it. But there are other ways to do that.

 

The trans community call it a ‘dead name’ for a reason. It’s dead. It’s gone. It’s buried. All-in-all, it comes down to one thing: it’s rude and disrespectful to dig up the dead.

 

Critique: The Sympathizer (TV Series)

 This show was set during the penultimate and post-Vietnamese War moments, following as members of the South’s military flee to America. The Captain, loyal to the communist North, is spying on the capitalist South working for the General. Despite his loyalty to his cause, he nevertheless enjoys American, capitalist culture. He is half French/capitalist. His best friends Man and Bon work for the communist North and capitalist South respectively.

 

*****SPOILERS*****

 

Funny

 

This show was so hilarious. It was a dark comedy, so a lot of the funnies originate from death-related situations.

The Captain advises the playwright on his Vietnam-based film. Explaining this film, the Captain says, “Officially, it’s a story of six American army personnel getting stranded in Vietnamese village. Unofficially, Vietnamese farmers are forced to take in uninvited guests.

The General thinks there’s a spy so the Captain frames Dumpling. After killing Dumpling, the Captain is forced to write Dumpling’s eulogy. So funny: writing a speech about how great someone is after killing them to protect yourself whilst pretending that he killed him for being a traitor, someone not so great.

The Captain, being caught by an explosion on the film set, asks for $15000. The lawyer says someone would need to lose one of their senses for that kind of compensation. So the Captain says, “What was that?” Brilliant.

One soldier said he would commit suicide if more seats weren’t found on the evacuation flight for his family. So the Captain gives the soldier a gun and leaves the room, saying, “I’ll give you some privacy.” Calling the bluff in this particular fashion was fun.

 

 

Good Visuals

 

They truly thought through the look, from transitions to angles.

The Captain puts down two oranges. From behind, a third rolls. This was a clever shot.

As the playwright is typing, words appear on the screen. When the playwright types slower, the words appear on the screen at a slower rate, too.

The best comment for last. The lens would focus on one object as it transformed into a similar object before fading from one scene to the next. A yellow, smiley face fast food logo was often used, such as being paired with an egg yolk.

 

 

Problems

 

The adverts made out like the Captain was a double agent. But he wasn’t. The thin is, I only watched the tv series because I was interested to see the role of double agent portrayed, especially within a comedy context. Even though I still rather enjoyed the show, it was a situation of false advertising.

 

There were a few examples of ‘humour’ that just lowered the tone of the show.

The captured northern spy passing wind loudly. The Captain ‘squid fucking’. DOWNEY  picking up dog faeces with his own scarf before handing it to the Captain.

These instances were bizarrely out of relation to the rest of the show. The show is funny enough without adding edgy humour that doesn’t fit with the rest of the show.

 

Robert Downey Jr plays multiple roles.

As in the first role he’s a spy, and spies take on many identities undercover, I just though Downey’s spy was taking on different roles. We see him dressed up as a homosexual dog walker, so the character taking on different looks for different roles is especially plausible.

But then we see the Captain at lunch with all of Downey’s characters at once, so they weren’t the spy undercover. Later, the character does have hallucinations in the lounge with all of them, such as the fast food restaurant and of Dumpling. So maybe the Captain was just hallucinating them all together at once? Downey playing all these roles is a little confusing.

 

 

Other

 

Other things are worthy of note.

            The main character is called ‘the Captain’. No actual name for him is given. Considering he’s a spy, people portraying false identities instead of their true one, it’s clever that his name/true identity isn’t displayed.

The airfield gets bombed at the end of the first episode, just at the South army officials are evacuating. It was so visceral. Especially after all the humour and jovial tones, the havoc was particularly emotional.

Throughout the show, Downey spy keeps on hinting that he found out communist spies. Almost like Downey spy was hinting that he knew the Captain was that spy. In the end he straight out says it, but he acts like the knowledge was pretty recent.

Bon is trying to go on a recon mission which the Captain dubs a suicide mission. So Bon comes out with the line, “Life is a suicide mission.”

 

Dumpling only had two family seats for the evacuation.

He brings his wife and mother because he can always have more kids but will only have one mother. Your job as a parent is to look after your children and yet you leave yours in a war-torn country being led by a government you fundamentally oppose?

I know that Vietnam’s culture reveres elders, but choosing an elder over a child is cruel. That made me so cross.

 

The boss at the re-education camp said they couldn’t find Man (hence they couldn’t corroborate the Captain’s story).

So is the Captain really not a spy? This wouldn’t be an unreasonable delusion, considering he’s deluded enough to be followed by the ghosts of people he’s killed.

When paired with his possible delusions relating to Downey Jr’s characters, it makes the whole situation both more plausible and more confusing.

 

 

This was overall a superb series. It had plenty to laugh about even though it dealt with emotionally heavy material without being disrespectful. Many professional comedians can’t get this balance right so really well done for managing it!