Critique: Rampage (Film)

*****SPOILERS*****

 

As monster movies go, this one was a lot of fun. I did worry at first that the mutant gorilla would make it feel too King Kong-y but I needn’t have, for this films identity was firmly separate and distinct.

 

The mutant wolf has porcupine quills, making it look exactly like a calopus (a medieval wolf-porcupine creature).

 

There were only three mutant creatures. I wanted more (In fiction, I love them and always want to see more.) However, this would take time away from George and this film was his story. Objectively, I do think they got the right balance.

 

The relationship between George and the Rock was intimate, personal and so bloody funny! With all the awful things happening in the film, this relationship brought some levity, just the right amount.

The gorilla is called George. Every time the Rock said his name, it came out as ‘Jawrrrrrrjjjj’ which made me laugh. [It’s now become an (admittedly awful) in joke between myself and my brother.]

At the beginning, George pretends to be dead as a joke on the Rock. At the end of the film, George looks dead again. After the massively brutal conflict we just witnessed and all the injuries George sustains, it was believable. But it was just another joke. That had me crack up.

 

 

Critique: I am Dragon

Meraslava, youngest daughter of the Duke, is marrying Igor, grandson of the Dragonslayer. Weddings mirror the ceremony of sacrificing girls to the dragons: husbands pull their boat-bound brides across the lake. This was a beautiful detail.

 

*****SPOILERS*****

 

Meraslava is taken by the dragon to its cave. Igor comes to rescue her. There’s a guy in the cave who Meraslava names Arman.

When she protests that Arman watches her undress (to treat her wounds), he says, “I look at birds. Why can’t I look at you?” The naivety and innocence is almost cute but it shows he hasn’t socialised with many people.

The dragon and Arman are never shown together, and Arman is always naked, so it’s clear that Arman is the dragon.

 

The plot had plenty of problems.

The Duke says that Meraslava will become Duchess. But this would only happen if Igor became Duke. This seems unlikely considering all of Meraslava’s older sisters are alive so all of them would have to die for Meraslava to become Duchess. Unless the rules of inheritance don’t work that way in this duchy. (If this were the case, there would have to be a mention of it to clear up unnecessary uncertainty.)

At the start, the story isn’t linear. It splits between the wedding ceremony, the ride from the duchy to the dragon’s island, and Meraslava in the cave. It does nothing for the story other than confuse it unnecessarily. If there is going to splits in time, it needs to be done well and be pertinent to the story.

When the dragon picks up Meraslava, he flies near the Duke, hovering in the air before flying away. Why didn’t the Duke try to save his daughter that was right there in front of him?

Meraslava learns to enjoy her time with Arman but packs a bag, just in case. A very short time later, Arman finds out. This gap should have been longer, not only to build the suspense but give the impression that Meraslava forgot about the bag because she didn’t want to leave any more.

The only way a human can find the dragon island is if their loved one is on the island, their heart acting as a beacon. I’m sorry but give me a break!

 

There are generic problems, too.

Meraslava’s climbing noises were dreadfully unrealistic. And her snuffling, too. They were overemphasised to the point of distraction.

When Meraslava pulls Arman from the sea, she pulls him by the neck. What on Earth is that about?

The island is made from the bones of a giant dragon. Now, its neck and snout point up, its chin left and its ribcage right: this is such an unnatural position. To die like that then somehow be preserved is rather odd. The dead dragon’s tongue is also preserved whereas none of the other organs/flesh/tissues are.

Arman says he doesn’t have dreams then asks what they’re about. How does he know what dreams are? How does he know they’re about anything?

Arman can read. I can’t imagine his father spent the time teaching him.

When Meraslava rides the dragon, she is sat halfway up his neck. This means her dangling legs don’t obscure the wings. However, the neck needs to be free to move and I doubt having a human sat on your neck allows for that.

 

Though good bits did exist.

People stood together and made, for bird’s-eye-view, the pattern of a dragon. This was pretty, especially as the background of snow was not messy. (Realistically, the snow would have been churned up unless they stood there long enough for the snow to cover their tracks.)

“They had tears where their eyes should have been.”

In the dragon’s cave is an aye-aye cat thing that makes jackal noises.

Meraslava is covered in scratches from where the dragon caught her. This is a clever detail.

The dragon moves like a bat along the walls and ceiling of the cave.

Meraslava carries Arman back to his home and says, “When you wake up, you can carry me home.”

They eat dragon fruit. That’s amusing.

Arman calls fireworks ‘celestial flowers’. That’s so poetic.

Meraslava falls in love with the dragon Arman and they live happily ever after. A story about outcastes being accepted for who and what they are is always moving. I know some people say this copies ‘Beauty and the Beast’ but if that’s the case, every romance story has ‘copied’ the ones before it, every princess film has ‘copied’ those done previously. It’s not a sustainable argument.

 

This film had a few good bits but they aren’t plentiful enough to support all the mistakes in the film. This isn’t one I’d recommend people to watch.

 

Critique: The Sound of Music

Yes, I’m aware this has been out for decades. Products with such high popularity and praise can often be underwhelming and simply disappointing. This had made me a tad reluctant to watch it but I bit the bullet and went for it. It was much better than I anticipated.

 

There were so many positive elements.

Every kiss took place in the pavilion: such a nice detail.

All the songs were so clever, particularly the first two. Musicals usually only contain a single wow song but this film was wow from start to end.

Maria found out that the curtains were being thrown out and the children had no clothes to play in, I knew she’d make play clothes for them from the curtains. So it was so satisfying when they trooped out the gates in there curtain clothing.

The baroness manipulating Maria to leave was amazing. Obviously horrible but the way the baroness went about it was imaginative and opportunistic. Then Maria left! This left me confused because we were only halfway through the film. (I didn’t realise there was an intermission.)

 

Only one thing disappointed me: Maria saying she loved the captain from ‘ “the first time you blew that silly whistle.” ’ Um, no, you didn’t. Maria was clearly disgusted with the captain’s behaviour towards his children. Yes love at first sight is lovely but for Maria and the captain’s love to slowly develop is what gave the film a great storyline. To suddenly make it love at first sight degrades the value of their relationship and its formation.

 

Despite its length, at no point did the film drag. The story line, characters and songs kept me interested throughout. Despite its length, I’d watch it again in a heartbeat. It truly deserves all the praise and success it received. (However much being the ‘best musical of all time’ grates on people’s nerves.)

 

Why the reason not to get an old dog is actually the reason you should get an old dog

People say they can't get an older dog because it costs more money to look after than a younger dog.

But buying a young dog means you have to pay for them the rest of their life, including when their old. Or, in other words, you have to pay for an old dog on top of a young dog.

That is, getting an older dog is actually cheaper than getting a younger dog.

So the 'old dogs cost more' argument has a faulty premise, leading to a conclusion that's the direct opposite of what was intended. If someone wants a younger dog and not an older one, they should be truthful and own that decision.